Personal Writings

Some of my written works from the last two weeks. 

Still in progress of revising.

The first day.

When I was small

I loved to frolic

and tease,

smile;

too glee.

“Weirdo,

Freak,

Alien”,

screams.

I was 5, 

I knew nothing

of why these words

stuck to me

like tape mending 

ripped paper

as the hands of tiny children

kept tearing away at it.

07  |  2007

Why?

The corners of the room

come closing in

as the darkness

ate the space.

Your whispers 

creep into me,

crawling slowly with each breath

feeling as if they are the tiny legs

of centipedes trickling into my ears.

“you can’t tell anyone

that I did this to you.”

Everything felt encased

in this darkness forever

while his hands forced me

on my back, screaming 

in my face, tearing

greedily at my neck.

Those words echoed in my mind;

sunk deeper into me, more

than the bee sting I felt 

earlier that day

from plucking red roses

that grew in my backyard.

My mind felt lost in this unending eternity,

fading  into the darkness.

what did he to do my mind?

what does this mean?

why are you so mean?

Because I wasn’t strong enough.

Even screaming

feels silent.

There are many days

days where the mind sinks

deep inside an endless hollow place.

The stroke of sadness sweeps

across  my body.

My fingers start to lose feeling

and the numbness begins

to take over

working up to my forehead,

then shooting directly through my stomach

pushing me down so I can’t

get up.

The life is also taken

from my legs,

and shortly after

my feet.

All I can do is scream

but, I can’t hear it.

All I want to do is feel

like nothing is real

and everything can go

back to being surreal.

14; Dumb. 

Being 14 is just weird

especially in the spring

when we switched from gym

to health class.

Everything is just awkward at 14.

When I was 14

my friend Lele had 

a boyfriend named Andrew.

Andrew would wait for us

outside our school

with his flip phone

and a stupid smirk on his face.

“Hi cutie” was his greet for her.

“Hey sexy” was his greet for mine.

I fucking hated him.

I knew he secrelty liked me more than her

He always did.

“Meet me at Village Park at 3.”

His eye contact was more...

disgusting today.

I said,

“Ok.”

Trust. 

Never trust a man

who first starts his conversation with

“you’re so beautiful”

because,

He will leave you

for someone else

who he calls beautiful.